Letter to Brenda
|Date:||February 14, 1989|
14 Feb 89
I got your letter dated 24 Jan 89 today. Damn the mail is slow in the mail packs!
My folders did arrive and I think they're C/S'd too. I know Gene got his FES done, just don't know what his set ups are. THAT should prove interesting.
I wish it was all said and done. I truthfully think you and perhaps Debbie are really the only two terminals on this planet who know enough about the cycle to help me. I get tired of everyone on the lines here simply expecting us to just fix things up on this 2D co-audit. I have dissolved this one - totally! I've even attempted to re-mock it in my universe and it just won't happen. I don't even hate Gene or have bad feelings for him. I just am not going to have this 2D. He still isn't speaking to me - fine w/ me. It just further shows what's going on.
You have probably learned by
now that I sold the chest of drawers to Bill. He mentioned that Katherine may want the desk. Either way it's 75.00.
I understand most of our MEST has been sold so that was good news. I am going to come down and get my stuff probably a day before the HAS comes back. That way we'll just drive back together. I'll also file for divorce. I sure could use a hand on a cheap attorney if you have any ideas let me know. Do you know if 60 days is still the time on finals for a divorce? Wish I could go to Mexico and just be done with it!
Hurray on getting on the Ship!! I was thrilled for you!
Well done on your diet! Keep up the good work.
Re: Gene's replacement. All I can figure is that if she's an S.O.
- 2 -
member and pregnant and intends on staying an S.O. member, she certainly should be married! I have found out nothing more. The oddity here is that I can't believe no comm has come into the org on this! Especially with a pending comm ev on Gene. Makes me wonder if it's a real cycle or not. I honestly can't figure it out. No idea if she's even still training. I know - write Gene! Ha!
So - otherwise, I had a rough fucking day today. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really gonna make it! I am definitely an asset here but shit is really starting to loom. This is NOT BPI - and I don't want to put you on a withhold but on this please ack & shred! My debts are flapping. Dr. Craig is not yet up to a point to help, bills coming in daily,
with additional 2D story I weep! Some days I am so at cause I could care less what comes my way and I just repostulate to handle the hell out of it and then when I look - It's always in the direction of the 2D (funny, huh?) I just go ape! I don't feel I have ANY terminal here who really understands my scene - everyone's high expectations, you know! It's like what I want is just silly. What I want is to divorce and end cycle. Now you're saying "So LISA! Why don't you do that!?!" This fucking co-audit is really dragging the cycle out. Frankly - I'm not even interested in incurring that additional debt!
Then I look at the greatest good and I don't know what's wrong with me. Perhaps you can help! Duplication is just not happening here. I think thoughts like - well, maybe I should
pack it up and go to work and pay the debt. Then I look at what would happen to the org if I did. then I look at how it's out ethics for me to be here with an unhandled debt. Then I look at what out ethics I have going on! you get the picture!?! The DSA, D/CO, Captain and HAS are aware of it and I know they are just counting on me to handle it so I can stay. Brenda! What have I created? This is an S.O.S. obviously! I did handle my debts once! And I did make it go right to get here. Yet I know all is not well based on what I just wrote. I know my replacement cycle flapped. I really hate to dump all this on you and if I didn't trust you so much I wouldn't bother. Where in the fuck did I go wrong? To top it all off, read the recent letter from
Cindy I got. I really flipped on that one. It surprised me and now I wonder if I really did the LSD! I know according to the LRH references I read I didn't - It was just really a shock to get this comm. I don't even know how to respond!
Well, enough of my soap opera. If you can give me some advice I'll gladly take it.