|Date:||February 23, 1988|
I & R via O/O
23 Feb 88
Since December of 1987 when I quit working for Atlantic Financial I have had two jobs, neither of which panned out. I found myself spending more and more time at the org, which is where I wanted to be. Some time ago, around October of 87 I realized there was no reason why the org could not make enough money to support itself and that it was mainly going to require the purpose of doing it and then just do it. This is what I truly want to occur. Since this time all efforts to make money myself personally otherwise has failed.
My personal debt is roughly 40,000. Monthly this amounts to about 1600. I am married to the FBO who has been on full time staff for 11 years. We incurred this large debt for my Bridge during a time when I was making 5000.00 a month. We squandered a lot of my earnings away and
continued to borrow large sums to pay for my auditing. For a long time Gene (my husband) made about 100-150.00 per week at the org by selling books. This has ceased since about 6 mos. ago. For the most part, the responsibility of earning enough money has been solely mine. Since he accepted the post of FBO the org has never made enough to even cover half of our debts.
Control of our funds has primarily rested with Gene. For short periods I have assumed it but always turning it back over to him. I have never completedly controlled or been willing to control the money. The mock up which I created was Gene would always have the final word on all decisions. He has done very well too.
I realized today that I had allowed this situation to occur and have never taken responsibility to really change it. After quitting my last job which was last week I decided what I really wanted to do was to come on staff full time and demand income
from the org. I knew in doing this there would be opposition from Gene. On Saturday night we got in comm about what I was going to do with regard to a job. I told him my true purpose was to be on staff and make the org make money and I didn't see any reason why this couldn't occur. He pointed out some valid points. First, that in order for the org to make sufficient money to support our personal debts, it would be on a gradient. Training and drilling of staff. The FSM's to be activated again as 4 of our top producing FSM's have recently moved to California. He basically pointed out that it wasn't something which could occur in 2 weeks, which would be necessary to get our bills handled.
I told him I could understand but all I was operating off of was "the major plus point was purpose" and that I didn't read where any of those other factors really applied. He pointed out that there are specific programs which must get in for
the org to make money. My rebuttal was the same.
Because of my unwillingness to handle him we ended up with an ARC break and due to the late hour 2:30 am mended this but never EP'd the cycle.
I personally feel that as long as I earn enough money to meet our personal debts, there never will be a demand from Gene to make the org make money.
I also realized just in writing this up that I am grossly PTS to him in this regard.
I need help in getting this fixed.