|Date:||November 15, 1995|
Being Clear is more exciting than anything I've ever experienced. I am so thrilled about life and living I can hardly stand it!
It was a pretty interesting trip though, I now have complete reality on what a gopher would feel like going through a garden hose! I have always had what I considered a fairly easy time going up the Bridge, Inever experienced any trouble particularly case wise until just recently, before I attested. In fact, the biggest problem I encountered just this year was after attesting to L-12 I honestly did not believe a case existed for me, I had no reality on what it was at all. I thought to myself, now what am I going to do about this? I am supposed to move up the grade chart but I have no case, how will I ever explain this to my C/S? This should give you some clue of my training level. I was soon disabused of this notion.
Many of you in this room were with me and know what I went through the first half of this year. Not only did I learn that I had a case but I also learned how extremely DANGEROUS it is to NOT BE TRAINED. I have been around Scientology for 13 years. I was on staff for 5 years. I thought I was doing pretty good. My stats have been decent for the majority of my Scientology history. I've never seen much burning necessity to get trained. I've never seen a live sabertooth tiger either, until this year. Not only did I see him, I was in the cage with him for 6 months. He had not been fed for quite sometime and he chewed away at me until I thought I was in for it. This I discovered was my case. Now you'd think with all my "experience" in Scientology that I would know what to do when I got in trouble, right? Wrong. I did fly into the HGC hollering at how I'd somehow landed in a tiger's cage and I couldn't get out of the cage and he was going to eat me alive and I needed someone to help me FAST but short of that I was clueless as to what was really happening and what I needed to do. My D of P did a standard interview and assured me it would be handled and I was scheduled for a session. I had a session and was not completely handled. "What's wrong" I thought, I had a session now I still have this tiger eating on me. So I went to my best friend and said "I'm in trouble, what do I do?" and she told me to go back in session, so I did. Still, after the SECOND session the tiger was still with me. So I went to my back up FSM and told him I'm in trouble what do I do and he told me to go in session. And this went on FOR MONTHS!! I did not know the thing to do was to go back in session UNTIL IT WAS HANDLED. I read the policy on handle with auditing at least 5 times and I still asked, so what do I do?
O/Ws LISA MCPHERSON<
1. I ignored my third dynamic conditions and did nothing to get them done expediently. [handwritten: ] and crashed my stats
2. When I returned to post after having attesting to Clear on September 11. I went to my office and sat down, experiencing the key out from having attested. I felt wierd about my work scene and I looked at what condition I was in or needed to apply after this whole matter was resolved. I never fully confronted what the condition actually was that was running. I went to do my Sunshine RD and never looked back at this again that day. This week my stats crashed as the condition was never correctly spotted and handled. The ED is having to intervene heavy into my area in order to get production for my failure to have handled my own condition. This is a critical time that attention should be on expansion, not having to product officer me, an experienced person. This is creating dev-t for the senior execs to get production occuring.
1. I ignored my responsibility to handle my conditions on the third dynamic. [handwritten: ] and crashed my stats
2. A time after I attested to clear. I looked at what my third dynamic condition really was. I looked at what a victim I had been. I decided that I really wasn't cause over my case difficulties and that it was too much for me to confront (although I had already confronted it once!). I decided not to confront it at all. This has caused me dev-t for now I am forced to confront it when I am in the middle of dealing with a gillion other things and had I just handled it when it was first originated by me it would have all been done and ep'd by now. I have lost two valuable days of production time by holding my own stats down in not confronting and handling the correct condition for my third dynamic.