Lisa's Final O/W Writeup


Lisa McPherson

Date:October 31, 1995

1. I stopped producing and dumped my hat.

2. Around 9-3-94 at my desk up by reception at AMC. I had been
playing a production game to meet a certain target of 10 cards in every
mailing for 1994. I had accomplished that target and then I stopped
playing the game, I stopped producing or moving towards the direction of
any goal. I made calls randomly and without any real intention of doing
anything. I became a loafer and spectator to the game and did not tell
anyone. I refused to apply conditions. My stats crashed. I required
heavy intervention by my senior who could do nothing with me because the
truth was I had blown my post. The predict was false based on my
production because I wasn't really being a team member at all. My whole
group was mislead. When it got down to the brass tacks of production in
November in order to take off for the Christmas holidays the whole sales
team was overburdened unnecessarily because of my treason, they all
thought I was on their team so they completely missed that I was the one
holding the stats down. It became a red herring and we did ultimately
pull off the target but it was under heavy stress and pain because of
what. I had done.

1. I knowingly created an overt product with Roy Matlock.

2. September 28, 1994 at my desk near reception at AMC. We were
planning a trip to St Pete for a training seminar with Ben and needed to
be upstat in order to go. I had dumped my hat the week earlier and
didn't tell anyone. Roy Matlock called me at 4:30 on the day we were
scheduled to leave. He told me he was ready to mail in every single
mailing we had going out between then and the end of the year. I thought
it was a big order ($50,000) and questioned to myself his ability to pay
for it. He did not ever answer my Q he just said it would be "no
problem". I wrote up the paperwork and submitted it to him. I
announced it to the ED and I recall doing so thinking I was justifying
my actions somehow. Once she acknowledges me I made her responsible for
the cycle and dropped my own in handling it by the book. We Took time
off on a false stat because the order ended up completely cancelling. I
personally ended up spending $5000 in expenses because Roy did not pay.
My immediate senior spent hours of unnecessary time going through all
sorts of extra actions to work around this overt product - there were
mail date changes, price quotes needed because of the special nature of
his order (he had a hole.punch in the card), the art department spent a
few hours tracking down data on this due to last minute changes, the
predict in the maiings was completely thrown off and was false. Hours of
production time was wasted in administration . for something which ended
up being cancelled. Hours of production time (probably 15 of my own
personally) was lost in chasing, lecturing, writing and trying to turn
this overt product into a real product. Roy Matlock is probably sick or
dying because I let him go criminal (he has his own responsibility but I
had the tech to salvage him), another one of Roy's associates was robbed
$5000 of his own money because Roy used his money to try and pay for our
mailing and then Roy ended up not forwarding the leads so that man was
just ripped off too.

1. I took the Roy Matlock order without doing th ending cheklist
standardly and violated policy.

2. Friday, September 28, 1994 at my desk near reception at AMC. Roy
Matlock called and ordered $50K worth of mailings. He had a history of
slow pay earlier and we helped him out by paying for his mailing when
his son was terminally ill in Dec 93. I knew there was something out on
the cycle simply because he was ordering so much with no effort and no
real responsibility for paying for it. When I asked him how he would pay
for it he just said "it's no problem" and . I took him at his
word. I had no reason to trust him yet I did. There are exact points to
be handled on the ending checklist with regards to payment which I
ignored and did not follow. When we discussed his payment he told me he
was waiting for money from a cycle that should come down anyday. I did
not get the complete details at that point and accepted his order
knowing he did not have the money in his own account to pay for it.
There was never a firm agreement on when he would pay. It was always,
when his money came in. Based on that alone the order should never have
been accepted. He did not have a history of payment to accept such an
arrangement. I turned in $50K worth of orders that ended up all being
cancelled except for the few I personally paid for. Hours of
administration time was spent by staff processing invoices, inputting
data into the art computers, logging, tracking, handling - there were
about 25 separate orders to be processed and they were all processed.
There were probably 30 or better hours spent on this cycle from the art
department alone., The dir art probably spent another 10 or so hours on
calls to MGA and getting me special pricing because of the nature of his
card (hole punched). This is in addition to the other events which are
recorded in the earlier overt above.

1. I dumped my hat as sales person at AMC and crashed my stats.

2. In October of 1993 at the bank building, it was where my desk was
facing out towards the tellers in the bank. I had set a secret target
for myself on all the state mailings and had accomplished it and did not
tell anyone. I had stopped producing and was basically just spending my
post time patting myself on the back for what a good job I had done. No
one knew I had dumped my hat. The predict on production was not able to
be fully done. My senior spent at least 5 hours trying to help 'me
uncover my out ethics sit (of which I was not giving up) so her time was
wasted. My team members were betrayed in thinking that I was playing on
their team and was producing what I. had promised when in fact I was
not. I wasted probably at least. $30,000 in sales with my back patting
instead of selling., There as added stress and sweat added to our year
end production as we were on a very tight TM to get out of Dallas and
come to Flag. Each and every staff member was affected as a result of my
dumping my hat because they each had to work harder to pick up the
production I was not taking responsibility for.

1.I was not applying conditions even though I lied and said I was.

2. In October of 1993 in Dallas at my job at AMC. My stats had
crashed. I had a most definite out ethics situation happening on my2D
that I refused to give up. I blew from my post and did not handle the
out ethics scene until the BD had to personally become involved. Many
hours were spent by the SD and ACO (DeDee) trying to help me get the
condition straight. I was not being honest. about my scene so all the
time spent was wasted. This was at a very critical time in the game to
come to Flag so added worry, stress and confusion to the senior exec
lines (I know that when the income is down it does concern all partners
and execs in the corporation) so not just the ED was effected but Jeff,
David, DeDee were also distracted and were stressed.. This resulted in
addition to what is

written above in earlier o/ws. ..


1. I had an out ethics situation going on on my 2D which I was hiding
that was creating a huge flap on my 3D.

2. In October 1993 I had met a guy at Wild West, where I danced
frequently and started a 2D with him without telling any of my friends.
I withheld it as I knew the activity did not align with my groups goals
and purposes and it was in fact a promiscuous act only, not a real 2D
game. My stats crashed in October date coincident with this out ethics
situation and I refused to give it up. Instead I continued to hide the
relationship and have sex on a complete withhold. In addition to what is
stated above, this guy was given a bad impression of Scientology and
what it's group members represent. I set a very bad example of what
Scientology represents. He was ARC broken at not having understood how
we were out-ethics so my ability to honestly and ethically disseminate
to him was lost.


OWs Lisa McPherson 11-1-95.


1. I sandbagged a sale to keep from confronting the correct

2. Around Feb 95 (middle of the month).in my office at AMC in the
back. It was on a Thursday and my stats were clearly in Danger for the
week. I looked at it and looked at the condition danger and then blew it
off and thought to myself "I can pull off a miracle, I always do I
won't worry about it" and I did nothing to take action to revert
the stat. Instead I patted myself on the back for, the good job I had
done and just wondered along aimlessly on my post. I flipped through my
sorts see if there was someone I "felt like" calling. I
scanned my names and did not apply myself whatsoever. On Friday we were
down as a group overall, the E/ED came to me and let me know they were
counting on me to help save the week. I told him not to worry I had it
in the bag. I recalled not having closed Mike Sause for his fourth
quarter mailings and that is what I turned to for the solution. The
truth of the matter was I had already sold him technically, it was only
a matter of rounding up the order and getting the paperwork in, it also
was for mailings which did us absolutely no good in Feb as they were
Oct-Dec mailings so it was also a stat push. I had the Pack mgr take my
stats to the meeting and I came in late. I felt wierd about the cycle
and then the ED spoke to me and said "you sold 3rd and 4th quarter
mailings to handle your stats this week?!?" sort of in disbelief. I
said "yea" and sat down. She missed my w/hold right there that
I had blown from my conditions and had kept it hidden by pushing the
stat instead of getting the product. Weeks following this I was fretting
over the Sause cycle, I spent time in 2 way comm cycles with my immed
senior, the D/ED, the ED and I kept myself in worry and foment about
that cycle. It ended up flapping later and the mailings did get
cancelled so I ended up having to resell them almost a year later
anyway. The pack manager had to spend hours of her production time
handling the client to cancel these mailings which were sold in Feb
which took away from critical sales time. This was also during a very
critical time company wise where every single minute of every single day
counted as we were sinking fast. Dev-T was created in the art department
when they needed every minute firming up and rounding up all art cycles
so we'd know what we needed to have to make it. treasury got Dev-t'd in
having to help on the handle of payment for these mailings in order to
salvage them. So all in all there was at least a week of solid
production time wasted in dev-t consumed over this stat push which could
have been averted by simply finding and applying the correct condition.



[Caps above denote handwriting]

1. I was very lazy,and just let the stat stay down.


[The above caps are in hand writing, but I don't know whether it was

or not. NOTE, all caps from now on are in handwriting that are in
this context.]


2. In February of 95 on Tuesday afternoon. At the end of the day I
noticed my stat had not moved all day. I wasn't in terrible shape and it
could have probably easily been handled. I had up to that point been
working for one day on really having my condition under control and I
was inspecting it-every hour and staying on top of exactly what I was
doing and did very well at navigating it until I got to emergency. I had
made the decision to take responsibility for my conditions and to really
steer my sales ship using them. There was something I misunderstood
about emergency and instead of finding my MU or doing something about
it, like getting in comm with my Senior I just blew from the condition
and decided to "do it my own way" which meant I'd just glow
and see what came of it. I put out the postulate that my stat would be
handled. I stopped operating from any idea of a condition and abandoned
the tech entirely. I goofed off for the rest of the day. The pack
manager was coming around twice per day to get our condition and see
where we were at. This was a help flow from management. My w/hold was
missed and I got extremely upset with DeDee and withheld that. All I
would look at was the fact that I was in Power and I didn't
"need" anyone coming around policing me, pretty interesting
HE&R. I went out of control and my stats crashed for good shortly
afterwards. A 3 May PL was done which was a joke because I wasn't giving
up the correct out-ethics sit so I wasted several hours of my own and
the D/EDs time. I wasted time on word clearing during production time
with another staff member. All the situations that ensued include me
contributing to crashing the orgs stats and overworking all the execs.
The other ramifications are listed in my earlier OWs on -this scene,
this was another instance of my failing to take responsibility for
myself and my own condition that resulted in disaster across the

1. I dramatized my case to keep from confronting my condition.

2. In February 95, on Tuesday afternoon at 2:10 in my office at AMC.
The pack manager had come in and was asking me what condition I was
applying. My w/hold got missed and I became enraged. I noted it was a
non-optimum reaction and was way over what was probably called for. I
looked at it as a "sign" and began chewing on my case. I
looked at the blackness that had come over me and started listing on
what it was. I kept listing for the rest of the day, giving myself item
after item, "maybe it was that I was really in power and there was
so much power connected to my condition that it caused this super
restimulated power surge..." and "well, I'm on Power processes
and my condition on post is power and it seemed like a lot of power
coming from the blackness so maybe it is the fact that I am really in
power..." and "wow, what was that?" and I wonder what
that REALLY was?" and "maybe it was some kind of valence"
and "let me see if I can figure this out" and "maybe it
was something I can't really confront and that is why it was black"
and "it was so quick and yet so black and felt so overwhelming,
maybe it was another being invading my space and I really couldn't do
anything about it anyway" and "maybe it was a being from
another planet trying to take over my body" and "maybe it was
because I had decided I could conquer anything in the universe and this
what I pulled in as a result of that postulate" and off I went into
the out list of the out list phenomenon. I went psycho. I bled my case
on every terminal around me. My FSM, my 2D, my friends at work. I
probably stirred up some of their case by running mine on them. I
granted my case the power and strength to overwhelm me and it did just
that. I became less than it and a victim to it. I gave up complete
control of my thoughts actions, postulates, power and turned it all over
to my case and what my case dictated is all I went with. I spent my
entire bridge that I had saved for handling this. I lost over 50K in
income for the year that I could have earned had I stayed on post and
not gone off into the tangent I did. I worried every single friend and
fellow staff member to death thinking I might not make it because I was
dramatizing death so hard. My friends were left helpless to me. Int
management had to get involved to sort me out which took time away from
their expansion or helping someone who wasn't as able as I was. Every
comm line I was on was adversely affected in some way due to my position
as a stable terminal it destabalized anyone who was connected to me. My
group was severely damaged both spiritually and financially due to my
actions. We almost went down.


1. I didn't take responsibility for my post condition and let my


2. While I was on staff at CC Dallas during 1986 in Div 6. I had
ended the week before in affluence and had written up my condition. It
was Saturday, two days after I had supposedly began to apply the
affluence condition yet my stats were crashed. I had not in fact taken
on step to truly apply the condition but was just patting

myself on the back for the great job I had done the week before. I
had made the decision that I really didn't need to keep working hard, I
had accomplished something, it was affluence. I was stuck in the win
because I had not actually causatively applied any condition actively to
create what I created so per what LRH says in the anatomy of failure out
of new slant on life, I stayed in it. I never moved ahead to the future
and stayed stuck in the past. I had not intended to win and did. Wow.
What a cog. Anyway, the BD kept coming in and checking on me trying to
sort out what I was doing and why the condition wasn't moving. I would
shrug my shoulders at her claiming to be ignorant of what the problem
might be. She was pulling her hair out. She kept asking me what had I
changed and I could not come up with anything, which makes sense because
I had never actually applied myself to get to affluence the week before
in the first place so here she was, asking me how I did it and I hadn't
a clue! As far as I was concerned it really had more to do with my charm
and personality than any application of a condition since that is what I
focused my attention on during the production day more than anything. I
had no intention of spending time on solving the situation or getting at
cause over my post. That week we lost the gains made in the previous
week. My senior, Force, was under heavy pressure to handle the area and
had no way to really predict and

handle because I was out of control. Eventually it affected every
other stat in the org including Div 2 because then their ability to
resign became fewer and fewer with the lack of bodies in that week it
crashed. Income was affected, the ability to dissiminate to others was
weakened with the dropped income. Staff morale dropped with the lowered
stat. Staff pay dropped and some staff mate not have been able to do
what they needed to do. I moon lighted so it was no sweat for me to not
make money on staff. All my fellow staff members suffered because it is
the inflow of public in through div 6 which feeds the org. The expansion
of Scientology in Dallas was cut because of my failure to apply
conditions to my immediate area.


1) I had an MU on post and never cleared it up and blew.


2. When I first joined staff at CC Dallas (was a mission then) in
1983. I accepted a post as a replacement for Janie Woltzen so she could
join the S.O. I had no idea what Scientology was really and didn't take
the time to find out, I just said "okay". My first day on post
I was in a little office. Tim Collins was helping me, I think I was
course admin or course sup, I don't recall exactly. So I was sitting in
this office and I kept receiving communications that said "time
machine". I had no idea what this meant and I just kept pushing the
comet aside and trying to hide from it. Then I hated my post. I hated
whatever "time machine" was and I hated every person who
routed me anything that had these two words on it. I soon fell out of
ARC with the group. I did nothing to clear it up or even ASK what it
meant. I just sat-at my desk grumbling about how stupid this place was.
At one point Tim did try and help me clear it up by telling me it had
something to do with a stack of baskets in my office. Eventually I hated
those baskets too, they only took up room so far as I could see.

While I was writing up this incident something blew and I cannot put
the rest of it together right now. I'm at a good ending point for today
and will resume this incident tomorrow to try and put it back together.
What an incredible fucking cognition - I HAD AN M U! [ not in




1. I was ugly to Katie and did not grant her beingness.

2. Yesterday on the phone in my office with Katie. I had received a
phone call from Mike Sause about his account. I did not look at his
record to see what had last transpired to find out what he might have
been calling me about. He gave me his complaint. I called Katie and
without asking her what the situation was I just started demanding
answers from her about what she was "doing with MY account" as
if she was intentionally committing an overt on my client. She attempted
to explain to me but I was not listening. I was more interested in being
right myself. I heard her frustration on the line and ignored it. I
acted like I was not being affected at all by what she was saying or
doing which probably heightened the frustration between us. I implied to
Katie that she was trying to stop my client from advertising which I
know is not a truth. She tried again to tell me what the situation was
and again I refused to listen. We ended up spending at least 10 minutes
on prime production time arguing about this. She was enturbulated
unnecessarily, her post product was impeded. I did not even look at the
cycle from the viewpoint of what her product was and what she was trying
to accomplish. My client got the impression the left hand did not know
what the right had is doing at AMC as a result of me dumping the hat on
Katie in the first place.

1. I dumped my hat on Katie and ignored lines which created an upset.

2. About a month ago. In my office up near. reception at AMC. .I had
taken over Mike Sause's account from DeDee and without any regard for
what might have already been done I just jumped in and began running the
cycle like it had been dropped. Katie had not dropped the hat for
collections and DeDee had not dropped the hat on servicing the account.
I ignored the lines completely and called the client. I spoke to Rhonda
Lewis and asked her what exactly would she like to have happen as far as
payment on the account. She said she would really like monthly payments
as opposed to weekly. I said fine. I had asked Katie (dir income) what
kind of arrangement would she accept from Mike and she said anything,
she would agree to. what ever he wanted to pay. .I had treasury run a
report of what they had been invoiced for the past 8 months to see if we
could get some sort of average amount they had been paying to use as a
guideline which I did. I submitted a CSW to the BD and completely.
bypassed treasury altogether to get payment arrangements made. Katie
called me when she found out what I was doing and said that she had
already agreed that whatever he wanted to pay was fine and that my CSW
was not really needed (I think). I secured the card pack mailings for
Dec and the mag ad for Nov and then I dropped the collection end of my
hat altogether and left it to Katie to handle. I knew she had been
working with them when DeDee was over the account and I did not pick up
the line. I left Katie responsible for my lines. The client got ruffled
at the out comet sit and the owner himself had to call me personally to
get it straightened out. Katie was put in danger by not being able to
get her product because of all the stops I had on the line. Katie was
made to look stupid possibly by the client because she was not infold of
what comm cycles I had with the client earlier. AMC looks like we
dropped a few balls when in fact it was MY dropped ball entirely.
Production time was lost by everyone, including my client.

1. I dropped my hat and didn't make sure my lines were completely
turned over and dumped the hat on Katie.

2. About 3 weeks ago when the pack reps were told to pick up only
those mag accounts they could easily in the mainstream of business. This
was at my office up near reception. I was ordered to go back on pack
sales and that I was a PACK REP not a mag rep. I continued' to work my
mag accounts until the ED had to set me straight for the; third time
that I was off mags and to stop working mags and get on packs flat out.
I began passing my mag lines to the Sales Sec with notes on what was to
happen with each one. I never followed up to ensure the accounts were in
fact being handled correctly or at all: I just passed the lines to the
Sales Sec and went on selling packs assuming it was under control. The
only mag accounts I ended up with were the handful I had already with
pack business. We had a meeting one saturday and it was made clear then
that pack reps were to only service certain accounts. The ED had the
list and was turning lines over to Mike Dawson and to the individual
reps themselves for handling. I never did anything else with my mag
lines from that point forward. I haven't even really looked at any
reports coming my way about the mag to see who it is I actually should
be servicing outside of Sause, Solomon and Hinderer who are my card pack
clients. It was a dropped and dumped hat. The dir income has been
sending me reports and I haven't even looked to see what accounts are
still showing up under my name. Clients are not being serviced, invoices
are not being paid. Treasury is having to chase up lines and is being
dev-t'd by me for lines I did not pass. Holes are being left
where accounts are not being handled which leaves us liable for field
flaps big time.


1. I abandoned my responsibility and shifted it Bennetta, I hat
dumped on Bennetta.

2. September 94 just before we left to go to St Pete in front of
Bennetta's office. I had just gotten the contract from Roy Matlock
signed and I had something on it, I didn't feel 100% sure of its
validity. I took it immediately to Ben's office and held it up to her.
She saw it and said great. I took that as my responsibility release and
from that point forward it was not my responsibility to ensure the
account was paid. I knew there was something fishy and I would not
confront it so I covertly delivered it to Bennetta (I had already
decided she could read minds) and then it had nothing further to do with
me. She never knew of my considerations about it or that there was
anything the least bit odd about the cycle. She completely trusted me to
take responsibility for my actions at the time. Roy Matlock ended up
being my worst nightmare. My failure to fully-wear my hat resulted in
dev-t on Ben's lines, DeDee's lines, my lines, Carol's lines, MGA's
lines, and Roy's lines. In addition to what I've written up on past OWs
I left Bennetta completely unprotected from financial loss. She had no
way of knowing that this man was not going to pay - I did. She provided
me with all the necessities to do my job and I put her at financial
risk. She did lose thousands of dollars on this in materials, labor not
to mention her personal income which suffered. She was forced to be
responsible for something she had no knowledge of - an impossibility.


1. I hat dumped on Bennetta.

2. When I was dating Kurt in February of this year. I was driving
down Ft Harrison in my car after he and I had just had a pretty heated
scene. I decided I wanted to break up with him because it was not the
greatest good and I was miserable in the relationship. I thought to
myself "what would Bennetta think if I broke up with him?" as
if she was responsible for making sure my 2D was successful. I decided
she would not like it so I violated my own code of honor and did not
break up with him and never told her. Again, I left responsibility at
her door without her having any knowledge of me having done so. There
was a flap on our personal comm line later when I withheld that I had
agreed to marry Kurt, of course this overt was missed too. Our comm line
suffered. Our ARC was lowered because I withdrew from her, and she never
knew why.

1. I hat dumped on Bennetta and made her responsible for something
without telling her what it was.

2. In October of 93 in Dallas. I met a guy at a bar, Wild-West and I
knew he was not aligned to-my dynamics. I was planning on moving to
Florida at the end of the year and had no business mocking up a 2D of
any sort with anyone from Dallas, I knew this without a doubt. I also
thought that Bennetta would not agree. I made the first advance at him
by asking him to dance. I knew he liked me and I strongly encouraged him
to flirt with me. I knew he was not the type of person I would have
selected as my 2D under any circumstances. I also decided he was not the
kind of terminal Bennetta would have agreed to for me, that was part of
the computation. I flirted constantly with him while we were dancing. I
knew he liked me and I let him walk me to my car the first night we
danced. I saw his car and instantly knew he was not an upstat. I thought
to myself that I should not let this go any further because he was not
ever going to be a 2D candidate for me. I decided that Bennetta would
not see him as a suitable terminal for me either. I decided that
Bennetta would not judge someone unfairly because of the kind of car
they drove and she would probably give them a chance. I gave him my
telephone number. We had agreed to meet again and dance (on the next
weekend I think) but he never called me. He ended up calling me 3 days
later than he had originally promised and confessed that he had been in
jail for two days. Oh great I thought, this is just great! The first
thought out of my head was "Bennetta would have a fit if she knew
this!" He explained to me his situation with traffic violations and
how he had not handled them so he was arrested and his car impounded.
Now I was completely convinced that he was not a 2D candidate for me and
there was no way it would be correct to put a 2D flow on this line at
all, he was also out-ethics. I looked at what Bennetta would do and
decided to act on that instead of what I really thought. Again, Bennetta
is completely responsible here, not me. I decided that Ben would not
just blow the guy off but would try and help him. I decided to go out
with him when he asked me to. I did not really want to but I decided
that Bennetta would not think it was fair or just to blow someone off
because they had made a mistake. I decided that Bennetta would think the
best thing to do was to-go out with him, I never asked her what she
thought about this. I agreed to go out with him, I was talking to him
from the car in the parking lot at the org and agreed to see him on that
Friday night. Since he did not have a car I agreed to pick him up at his
house. The instant we saw each other we put a 2D flow on the line. We
went dancing and danced close and rubbed bodies all night. We mocked up
a 2D on the dance floor. I completely gave in to the sensation of it all
and executed no control on myself whatsoever. The entire time I am
constantly checking my actions against what Bennetta would think. The
next night we were talking on the phone and discussing sex and safe sex
and I told him he would have to use a condom if we had sex. Again, this
is what I decided Bennetta would agree to, so long as we use a condom it
would be acceptable to her for us to have sex. I never decided or had
the intention of telling her though. So I was holding her responsible
without making her0

aware of any of it.

The following night, I think it was Saturday, Jerry and I spent quite
a bit of time over the phone talking. He told me about his work and his
living arrangements and I told him about Scientology and that I was
involved in courses that consumed much of my time. We looked at the fact
that we liked each other but since I was moving there wasn't much sense
in starting a relationship. He proposed the idea that we just do it
until I left. I thought that was odd that he would agree to such a thing
but it was an option. I looked at what Bennetta would think. I decided
that as long as everyone (he and I and Bennetta) knew what the scene was
(i.e. that it was only temporary and I was moving so the idea of it
being permanent was not an option), and we exercised safe sex then
Bennetta would agree to the relationship and it would be totally ok to
proceed. I never told Bennetta what it was I had committed her to. What
ended up happening is my stats crashed at work and no one knew what I
was doing so no real ethics handling could occur. I set a bad example of
a Scientologist, my comm line with Bennetta was destroyed with massive
withholds, production was lost, our friendship was severly damaged
because I am not being a friend, I am dumping all my personal
responsibility on her making it impossible to be her friend. Her trust
in me is worthless but she does not know that so she is making decisions
and trusting me when I have long since betrayed her. Her predict of me
and our friendship and our working relationship is completely false due
to the lies and overts on the line. Her ability to plan honestly is shot
to hell. She is left with an unknowing huge liability in me making her
completely open to attack this guy could have been a looney and caused
real damage and she would have ended up suffering innocently. He ended
up flapping when I did end off the relationship because even though he
said he could handle a part time temporary relationship, he really
didn't know what he had agreed to and his heart strings got wound around
me so he suffered a loss unnecessarily. I was the one responsible for
his damage too. Bennetta was completely aghast at my situation when she
found out what I was up to, I'm sure she lost several hours distracted
at what I had gotten involved in, she was shocked to the hilt at what I
told her I was doing. This is in addition to the hours DeDee spent in
trying to figure out what my out ethics was.



1. I hat-dumped on Bennetta, was a victim and forced her to handle

2. In around April 93 at my apartment on a Monday morning. I woke up
and I couldn't get out of bed due to pain. I called Bennetta at about
6:00 a.m. and told her I needed to go to the hospital, that I couldn't
get out of bed. She came over immediately and began to help me. She took
me to my Dr. and then directly to her house to take care of me. She took
off work and stayed home and nursed me day and night for two weeks. She
fed me, bathed me, made sure I was comfortable and had everything I
needed. She took me to the doctor every day and made sure what ever
could be done was being done to put me back to good health. She made
sure I had transportation where ever I needed to go, she made sure I got
auditing every time I could. She kept all entheta off my lines
completely. She cared for me more than anything else in her life,
including work and her family. Never once did I stop and look at what I
had done to get myself in such a condition. I just decided that I was a
victim and there wasn't anything that could have been done to have
avoided this, this was just "something that happened". I never
really looked at how I could have pulled in such an awful PTS situation
and I refused to look at my cause in the whole matter. I assigned
Bennetta as cause for handling my life. Her dynamics suffered due to
time not being spent doing the things she was responsible for doing. Her
family did not get the ordinary time and attention deserved due to her
time being completely consumed by my situation. AMC suffered due to her
not being at the helm. Sales suffered with me out and we had another new
staff member just hired (Rosalie) who was also pulled off to help handle
me. The group at AMC suffered with me being absent and Bennetta gone
too, helping me. There was financial loss to Bennetta, AMC, staff (we
could have possibly made more had Ben been there to help orchistrate).
Clients were not handled as well as they could have. Huge Dev-T was
created as a result of me not taking responsibility for my own life and


is scribbled out text that is still legible. Here is is: "I ignored
PTS indicaters and let it escalate into a major handling by my best
friend which created much damage and dev-t."]


2. While I was on KTL at CC Dallas , it was around Feb of 1992 I had
a back pain that started turning on and I ignored it. I had started
going to the chiro but did not report myself as being PTS so no handling
was done. I went to course every night and ignored it for weeks. There
were some nights I would squeal out in pain in the course room trying to
sit down. I knew it was PTSness and I did nothing. Eventually I wound up
completely down and off work for two weeks being cared for by my best
friend. I constantly justified my physical situation with everything I
could think of. Bennetta ended up having to completely, handle my
dropped ball in life with 24 hour care and service and trips to the
doctor and trips to the hospital. There was at least 40K in production
lost as a result of my being off. Huge amounts of dev-t was caused by my
not being able to care for myself. David had to get involved and help me
even find a car.



[Note, there is some scribbled out overt that is still legible. It
appears to me she is correcting something that the EO might have had her
change. "I failed to handle out ethics on my 2D which resulted in
flaps on Bennetta and David's lines, I made Bennetta responsible for my

2. In July or so of 92 there was a phone call that came in to Jeff's
office one day from an old friend of mine, Gary Bydlo. I intercepted the
call and said "hey" and we chatted for a minute: I gave him my
home phone number and asked him to call me at home later which he did.
That night we talked over the phone for a couple of hours and decided
then and there that we could mock up a 2D. He was planning a trip to
Dallas within the next 30 days so we just decided to start a 2D. I knew
nothing about this man, I had no idea what his stats were, what his
ethics level was, what his debt scene was, what his current 2D scene
was, what he looked like, what his interests were, what he thought to be
fun, what he liked, what he disliked, whether or not he was a compatible
partner, whether or not he would like me, how his living habits were,
how his manners were, what his goals were, what he saw as importances in
life, what his exchange factor was on his dynamics, NOTHING. And I
committed to a 2D over the phone. I looked at 2 things and 2 things
only, one, that he was a "Scientologist" and two, that "Bennetta
would approve." everything else was cast aside. My own importances
were completely ignored. I started a 2D for the sake of "having a
2D" without anything else considered . When we got together I did
not like him. I did not like anything about him except that he was a
heavy contributor to the third and fourth dynamics. Otherwise we had
absolutely nothing 2D wise to discuss. As it turned out, he ended up
owing David and Bennetta money so he fell from their good graces quickly
after we got together. I blew from the relationship fast and shipped him
back to Flag. It was immediately following this that I began having back
problems. The results of this disaster were: Gary was forced to figure
out a different solution than the one he had mocked up with me which
cost him time and money (of which he had very little of either), I
created a PTS situation for myself that incapicitated me for 3 months in
agonizing pain. I lost money, my company lost money due to my lack of
production, the BD came off post to personally handle me, the team was
one short making it less effective (I was a leader in the sales force),
a bad example was set for Scientology to my family.

1. I mocked up an out-ethics 2D and withheld it from Bennetta.

2. In March of 92 while I was living with Franz. I had been dancing
on the weekends again and this is while I had a 2D with Franz and I met
another guy I liked, he made some heavy out-ethics 2D flows at me
knowing I had a boyfriend and I encouraged him completely. We danced for
about 3 weekends and flirted constantly. He always asked how my 2D was
and I would tell him "so-so" indicating that it wasn't best,
he would ask me more questions and I'd hint that I really didn't expect
it to last too much longer (letting him know covertly that he didn't
have long to wait for me). One weekend at Cowboys Brenda was there and I
was dancing with Greg. We took off and went to another club where we
could dance by ourselves with out the interruptions of other dance
partners pulling us away from each other. It was that night that I
decided to end my 2D with Franz and I more or less told Greg that is
what I was going to do. I spent the night with Brenda that night and
didn't go home to Franz. I let her 3P Franz and used that as a
justification to end the relationship. So, without warning I wrote up a
quick doubt formula and the next evening I presented it to Franz,
without any notice that anything was the least bit awry in our 2D. He
was devastated. Bennetta missed this the night she went out dance with
me at Cowboys and Greg was there. I was wanting to get her reaction to
him and see whether or not I could tell if she agreed. She never knew
that's what I had going on. (next OW covers this one fully). Bennetta
never knew of the truth behind Franz and mine's breakup. I'd be willing
to bet without looking that my stats crashed along this time and I know
there were handlings done by Bennetta and DeDee on this to some extent.
There was production loss, dev-t, and an unknown out-ethics situation
which resulted in another out ethics sit of a similar nature that
eventually took me down.


text: "I made Bennetta responsible for my 2D without telling her
and blew off a 2D that I had no business mocking up a a 2D in the first
place."] [Editor's note: it appears she is being told that the
earlier infraction was wrong or missaplied, and she is correcting it
under someone else's tutelage. I am not sure if this is even her
handwriting or not.]


2. After I broke up with Franz at Cowboys one Friday night around
April of 92. Ben had agree to go to Cowboys with me dancing as David was
out of town. I invited Greg-to come along so I could get Bennetta's
reaction to him and see whether or not I could tell if she liked him
(without asking). Greg was the guy I blew Franz off for. She didn't
really do much in the way of give indicators about Greg but she didn't
seem to dislike him either. I took this as a "go" and mocked
up a 2D with him. Bennetta never knew I had done this so it made her
responsible for my out-ethics of which she never knew so she couldn't do
anything about it. I ended up blowing Greg off faster than Franz, I just
woke up one morning after having had sex with him and told him
"this ain't gonna work" so he left and I never spoke to him
again for months afterwards. He was upset but I never knew it because he
wasted me very fast. I ended up completely stuck to him for months not
able to get in comm so I was seriously distracted. I was not as
effective at work, I had another withhold from Bennetta, I set a bad
example as a Scientologist, I betrayed Bennetta by making her
responsible for something she had no knowledge of.

CAUSED HIM MUCH TROUBLE. [Scribbled out text: "I mocked up a 2D
with Franz just for the 'heck of it' and practically destroyed him when
I broke up with him."]

2. In December of 1990 I saw Franz at a party Colleen Neary was
having. I spotted him from across the room and decided that I would just
"see if I could have a 2D with him or not". I invited him for
coffee in front of the whole group and completely embarrassed him. I was
more interested in being "interesting" at the party by pushing
Franz, buttons than really putting a 2D together with him. I was house
sitting at Carol & Steve's that week and the next day I called him
to tell him I was sorry to have put him on the spot (which was a lie
because I really didn't care what effect I had created on him, I just
needed an excuse to call him and start the game). He was a very good
sport about it and said no trouble at all, he was fine on it and having
coffee would be an ok thing to do. That weekend we went to a restaurant
and ate dinner. We were talking at the

table and I mentioned to him quite overtly that I was looking for a
husband and that was what I wanted. He made it very clear that he had no
intention of getting married. Right then and there our admin scales
collided and we should have sensibly spotted it and walked away. We
didn't, we continued to talk and act normal. He kissed me goodnight and
it was a good kiss. We mocked up a 2D at that point. It progressed along
and I was constantly bull-baiting him about getting married and he
continued to say he was not interested and probably never would want to
get married. We had this discussion many many times and never did I
confront the truth of what was happening, we were not aligned on the 2D,
period. When I had the cognition we had established a very good
friendship and had still managed to help one another quite a bit, there
was a great deal of affinity between us in spite of the fact that we
weren't aligned in all facets of the 2D. I completely disregarded his
feelings or thoughts or what effects I might create on him and just
delivered a very cold, uncaring doubt formula to him one night and sort
of shrugged my shoulders at it not having worked out. He about collapsed
right in front of me. He started crying and sobbing at the idea of me
leaving. He offered to try and handle it and I refused to let him (I had
already mocked up another 2D with Greg at the time). I completely not-ised
his feelings and hurt and acted like it wasn't there. My attitude was
"it's too late" putting him instantly into regret. For months
he tried to handle it and get on my comm line and I wouldn't have
anything to do with him. For two years he griefed over the loss of our
2D. His production suffered, his dynamics suffered, his future took a
toll. His tone level dropped lower than it had making it more difficult
for him to pull himself out.

GETTING [S/G?] ELSE TO COMMIT TO ME. [Scribbled out text: I dumped my
hat in life on Bennetta and didn't handly my own situation on my 2D but
left it to her to sort out and fix me. I took complete advantage of her

2. I had mocked up a 2D with David Haywood in Dallas in 8-90 on a
whim. We were never really suitable for one another at all due to
general incompatability yet I continued to try and work out a 2D with
him to keep from "losing" at the game. It eventually caught up
with me and created a huge flap in my life. I had to move out from him
and had no place to go

back to because of my own out-planning other than Brenda's where she
had already mocked up a 2D. Bennetta had been working with David and I
and we hadn't made much progress due to general outnesses in our
compatibility more than anything on our 2D. He decided he did not want a
2D with me and I caved in -got my motivator. Bennetta took me in her
home and helped me get on a PAB 6 schedule and completely cared for me
as a family member. She fed me, gave me a place to live, made sure I was
in an uninturbulated invironment, keep any inturbulation off my lines
where she could. I took

complete advantage of her friendship and rather than digging in to
really handle the hell out of my own situation to keep it from flapping
later I just did as little as I could to remain comfortable. I did do an
OW write up but under her supervision and not from the viewpoint of my
own cause but from the viewpoint of "what makes Bennetta
happy" which left her still completely liable and responsible for
my condition but she did not know I had done this.. My 2D scene
continued to be unhandled completely and I continued to mock up
unsuitable uncompatible terminals and go off doing whatever felt good to
my crotch with one flap after another occurring on this line which
continued to affect Bennetta each time, she was my

immediate senior as well as my friend so where ever I wound up in the
soup she suffered too with lost production (from me), dev-t in having to
handle me. This particular instance tied up her personal time trying to
help David and I sort our scene out, trying to help me with an OW write
up and condition handling, wearing the hat of MAA for me because. of my
failure to wear my own MAA hat. I intruded on her family altho that
would never be suggested to me, I am not a member of their family but I
was treated as such so their family time could have been interfered
with. My production roller coastered at work.



1. I lied about my real intentions and completely dumped the entire
WW project on Bennetta without telling her. I LIED ABOUT WHAT I WAS


2. In March 95 Bennetta had told me that she was going to ask if the
Women's group could take on and handle Winter Wonderland this year as
our project. I don't recall exactly where we were but it was in
Clearwater. She asked me what I thought about it and I told her it was a
great idea, that I loved it, I was completely enthusiastic about it as
if I were ready to start tomorrow. This was PR and I was not really that
interested in it at all. At the CBC dinner Bennetta announced at the
table we were sitting at that "we got it". I recall,
completely misduplicating what she had said. I thought she was trying to
shut me up because I had arrived late and made too big of a deal about
it. She was trying to tell me we got the project. I could have cared
less but acted as if it was really a cool thing. I never once said to
Ben how I really felt about the project and that it was of zero
importance to me. I played along as if I was on the same team as her and
we were moving forward. I had no intention of moving anywhere on
anything. I planned to dump the whole project on her instead of doing
anything myself. 5 months were lost in the fund raising during the year.
Bennetta was left with the entirety of the project alone, without any
real help -I'm not aware of anyone really pitching in to help her. She
spent many many hours on worry and concern about how the job was going
to get done. She lost much sleep. There were many many hats she had to
wear with lining up entertainment, getting site things coordinated,
arranging for all the permits from the city, getting volunteers to help,
getting the charitable donations set up, finding the trees, setting up
the delivery and ordering of all the activities on the site, funding the
correct lines for that, contacting local schools and churches and doing
the PR work necessary to gain their participation, sorting through and
seeing what materials were left from years past and arranging to have
that repaired or put into some working order, dealing with the city
about using Coachman instead of the past sight, taking heat from the
paper on the project, not putting this on anyone's lines but just
handling it in PR, finding where to get all the materials and arranging
to get them, every single detail of every single action this activity
involved, she has the hats and was wearing them single handedly. The hat
pass from previous years was a disaster, lines were half way turned
over, many lines were missing, data was dispersed all over the place so
it was a massive confusion. Six times the ordinary amount of 8C required
was having to be exerted by Bennetta alone. I was the most likely
candidate she could really count on and I completely shit on her. I
don't know that she would have ever even considered taking it on without
me. So she took it on thinking she had a very strong stable terminal
backing her (me) and she didn't. She never put any of this on my lines
directly. My failure to. be responsible for WW added to the stress and
worry of handling the disaser at the office I helped to create 70k of,
this added to making not fun (because of the other stress) the
additional social activities she had committed to that had to be done
(like Pamela Hackley's baby shower and the Halloween Party) which would
have ordinarily been fun , I cost her much time she would have liked to
spend with her family of which she had none, added stress, time and
additional actions on all the hats she had committed to on every other
activity she had. Added to the stress of completely handling the
arbitration flap which consumed much time and was dev-t.

1. I refused to confront the responsibility I had for WW and wasted
time and did not raise money leaving the 8D with a big problem and
putting the project, the BD and the Church at severe risk.

at the bottom of the page.]


2. After I attested to Clear in September on a Sunday at my
apartment. It was right before the OT Committee meeting and I had not
done anything to raise money the entire day (or even possibly that whole
week). I think I had been at the office working on my post stuff.
Bennetta had called me to talk to me about the project. I had layed down
and was not feeling real hot, I was majorly PTP'd about how I was going
to do the job but I wasn't into create I was into non-confront: She
talked about how critical it was that I get my ass in gear now and she
started talking to me about the purpose of the project, how it would get
on so many lines and what we could do with those lines, a light bulb
came on for me and I started looking at my responsibility but instead of
confronting what I needed to be DOING in order to handle the money
aspect of the project, I went off into a Q&A about how I wasn't
being responsible and why was that and figure figure. I looked at the
KRC triangle, the definition of responsibility but I refused to look at
what I WASN'T doing to handle the situation or what overts I had that
was keeping me from confronting or seeing or having more knowledge or
getting production occurring. The project was sort of a blur to me and I
wouldn't confront what it was that I was doing/or not doing that was
keeping me from producing, instead I went off into a more comfortable
approach of something I was willing to confront. I went to the OT
Committee meeting that night and did a little rah rah but not near
enough to create the kind of flow we needed. I got about $45.00 and I
decided that I had done enough and left it at that. It was like: well,
I'll make a motion in some direction and just let what

will happen happen. Instead of: ok, this is what I need and this is
how much direction is needed and this is the direction I need to be
going and this is how much effort must be exerted and I don't stop until
I get it. More time was wasted, more pressure was put on Bennetta, more
production was lost, it was PR I was delivering, not products.

MADE .... [typed text:]on fund raising and did not do what I KNEW I
needed to do in order to get the product. I wasted time BY NOT DOING
WHAT I KNEW I NEEDED TO BE DONE. [Some text is scribbled, some text is
not; caps are hand written]

2. One Sunday before and at Flag at the OT Committee meeting. Before
the meeting, Ben called me and was talking about what kind of action
needed to be taken in order to meet our goals. She was telling me what
was happening with our deadlines for money and she pointed out that I
was not taking the kind of responsibility I needed in order to handle
the project I told her yes I realized that and completely "yes'd"
her every comment. hung up the phone and felt like shit. I was sitting
in the middle of my OWs on not having done what I had promised I would
do. I made myself go to sleep and not confront it more. I woke up and
was trying to make myself feel good, not caved in like I had been
feeling, man it was painful and I hated it. I was trying to make the
whole painful situatian pleasant so I didn't feel like shit so I decided
to play a game at the OT Committee for my own benefit more than anything
else. I had about 5 minutes at the end of the meeting and I had pulled
together some enthusiasm and got the group to participate to the extent
of throwing some wadded up money in the

middle of the floor. I had not set it up properly in order to run the
kind of control that needed .to be run I just threw something out and
hope it would fly, it fluttered. I left the meeting knowing I had blown
it because I did not round everyone up and get them to contribute, I
left it up to them and walked away with $45.00 for an hour and half's
work, a complete waste of resources and time. I could have probably
found 3 people and raised close to $1000 if I had just done it properly
in the amount of time I spent dicking around at the meeting. I
completely wasted another full evening of production-time and no real
money was raised and not even cycles set up to be collected on was done.
The BD was dumped with more worry and concern about having enough money
to do what needed to be done. This continued to add more pressure and
the project became less fun for all. This created much more risk at not
having the resources handled to fund the project on time.

ensues: I set up a covert reg cycle with Greg Frost and ended up wasting
my entire evening that I should have spent raising money for WW and got
zero production done." ]


2. On Monday October 9th at the Sand Castle. Greg was someone Stephen
Hackley had introduced me to on a 2D interest. I had spoken to the guy a
couple of times and he seemed nice. I wanted to spend some time with him
to get to know him better but I had the project of WW to raise money for
which was not getting done. Monday night was the night I had committed
to WW because I was on course TUES,WED,THUR so Monday was my only night,
which meant it was critical I spend my time very wisely and make the
most of it raising money. I talked to Greg that day and told him that I
really wanted to see him and talk to him about the project I was working
on. I needed to get in front of someone that night and raise the money.
I had read his bio and it said that he made enough money "to raise
a small army" which I thought made him pretty qualled for regging.
I did not make it clear to him that the purpose of my visit with him was
to reg him and I intentionally left it out, I just said, I wanted to
tell him about the project. I knew he was interested in discussing the
possibility of a 2D with me and I did not handle that aspect of our
visit up front. I went to the Sand Castle and waiting for him in the
MAAs office as we'd agreed. There were people in there I could have
spoken to about the project but I didn't. I spent the time reading from
the Scientology handbook to work on my 2D ethics program instead. Greg
was in word clearing a friend of mine. He came out to let me know he
wouldn't be long; He finished up and went in to see the MAA on his own
personal cycle. We got together at about 10:00 and I followed him to his
houpse so he could put his daughter to bed. I was exhausted and wasn't
really up to the alertness I needed to be in order to deliver a good
presentation or even talk sensibly for that matter. I should have passed
and just spent a few minutes talking about nothing too serious and gone
home and went to bed and chalked it up to a day over. He began on the
subject of the 2D. I told him I was an ethics particle at the present
and needed to work out some things based on a recent promiscuity sit I
had put myself in. We discussed who he was and what he was best at in
life a bit, I didn't really get into telling him too much about who I
was and left it with the fact that I am an ethics particle and need to
get through my ethics program which I am working on and that I'm not
ready to present myself just yet. I swept off the subject without any
further comm and went right into telling him about Winter Wonderland. He
caught it and took me back to the subject of the 2E which I again told
him I wasn't ready to do anything in that area right now and I had to
work on my project. I told him my problem that evening was that I had
only a limited amount of time to do WW but that I had really wanted to
see him too. That the only way I could justify spending time with him
was to talk to him about the project. This was a far cry from being
totally responsible for the project and I really was trying to then make
HIM responsible for what I was doing as opposed to accepting full
responsibility myself. I practically went anaten trying to tell him
about the project. It ended up not being productive in any way. It
created a ridge between us, it did not serve the correct purpose to
enlighten about what I was doing on the project, it put me on a
withhold, it wasted his time, I made him wrong for not contributing, I
ended up with zero donation and another night completely wasted leaving
the project at financial risk, the ED-WW in deeper shit with me not
raising money.


[Scribbled out text: I wasted time when I was supposed to be raising
money for WW][WW= Winter Wonderland]

2. On October 9th in the MAAs office at the Sand Castle. I started
talking to my friend, the MAA snapped at him to get busy on his word
clearing and she said he didn't have anyone who could help him. The MAA
turned to me and asked if .I could work with him for a few. minutes, I
said yes and ended up in an hour long M9 cycle. I did not talk to him
about the project at all. I had spent the previous 30 minutes just
sitting in the MAAs office not talking to anyone but with my head buried
in the SCN HB reading up on my 2D eth pgm I had put myself on 2 weeks
earlier. I had claimed to be only able to work on WW on Monday as that
was the time I had allotted yet here I sat working on my 2D pgm instead.
The only night I had to raise money for that week was burnt doing other
cycles which had zero results for the project I was working on.
Production was lost, I could have probably raised $1000 that night had I
been spending my time wisely but I didn't and it wasn't. This created
risk to the project and it's target completion being met, this created
stress and worry for the ED with no money being produced. This
contributed to a complete bypass by the ED to get the money raised
herself with her juniors who should have been spending time working on
entertainment and other vital activities to the site. This caused
unnecessary dev-t for the ED.



OWs LISA McPherson

1. I blew off my responsibility to my commitment on WW and worked on
a 2D ethics pgm instead.

2. Mid September 95 at my apartment. Just after I attested to Clear
and was at home with Jeff Litton after graduation. I was looking at what
had transpired between he and I over the past year and what the current
scene was and became involved in creating on that instead of what I had
committed to, Winter Wonderland donations. That following week I was on
course and concerning myself with course and Jeff, I discovered that he
and I were not in fact compatible at all. I spotted a long term
unhandled out-ethics situation with myself on the 2D. I immediately
jumped into handling it. with no concern or attention on the WW project
I had committed to. I went racing off to the MAA with my own ethics
program in hand at what-all I had intended to do to handle it. I got
with my friend and made her aware of the situation so I would have a
terminal. I went off to the races on a time consuming program to handle
that situation instead of the one pressing the hardest on mine and
Bennetta's lines. I spent a full weekend working out the handling for
that instead of WW. I spent time in the MAA s office doing nothing on WW
although that is what my greatest priority was. My create time was tied
up on this instead of WW. I lost another 2 weeks of vital fundraising
time dicking around on course and this 2D scene. This put undue stress
on the people who were working on the project, TC, Bennetta, Marlene.
This created lost production time and forced pressure on other things
that should have been being created -instead of money (i.e.
entertainment, site stuff etc). This contributed to putting the entire
project in a Hill 10 which is what we were trying to avoid by getting
started so early. This put-the project at risk by not being on schedule
things may get missed that are vital to its production. I caused at
least $5000 of donos by not working on this cycle during this week. This
contributed to heavy intervention by Bennetta to try and avert a

1. I abandoned my responsibility to WW and dumped my hat on Bennetta.

2. As soon as I attested to Clear in September at Flag. I immediately
got scheduled to go on course on a schedule of 2 days then 3 days per
week. I went to course and studied for my own personal enhancement and
worked very hard to put that schedule in. I did not do anything in the
direction of getting Winter Wonderland done. I went on course on the
weekdays and weekend and did not create on WW at all. I not-is'd it
during this time. I ignored my responsibility and left it up to Bennetta
to handle. I looked at it a couple of times and what was happening and
I'd see where not enough was happening but then I just created the idea
that Bennetta would handle it all and that when she needed me, to really
get busy she would let me know and used that to justify not doing my
part. Once I was in my room getting dressed to go to the OT Committee
and I looked at what I had not done on the project and my next almost
immediate thought was yes, but Bennetta is working on it so I don't have
to do as much, another justification. I was trying to hide from the
project by going on course and looking busy. Now it's time to go full
steam ahead on all the other activities and there is not enough money to
do what needs to be done. Bennetta has spent time wearing my hat and
doing my job when she really needed to be working on the other things
that needed to be done. The project is now at risk because of my

DID NOT DO WHAT I'D COMMITTED TO [Scribbled out text: I saw people in
the course room studying and I did not say anything to them or even
attempt to put a comm line in withe them to help with WW.]

2. During my course time in September 95. Once it was on a Thursday
pm and I was in the course room at the SC listening to roll call. I
looked around the room at who was there and thought I had better talk to
some of them about WW and fundraising. I dismissed the thought and went
back to being a student. I shrunk on WW. I knew I was blowing and did
nothing to get my ethics in on it. I got more out of ARC with the
project and felt more individuated from it. I did less than was required
to get the job done. I failed my team members who trusted me to do the
job. I left a hole in the project that everyone thought was being
filled. This created a hill 10 later when I had to be bypassed. The BDs
staff had to be pulled

off their hats to do my post. We are now way late on the balance of
the funds and it's a sit for sure. The entire WW staff is PTPd with my

1.I blew from fund raising for WW and wasted reg time.

2. One Sunday at the OT Committee meeting. I sat through the entire
meeting without any create on WW happening at all. I listened to what
the speaker was saying and thought a little (very little) about what I
was going to say but I had not done any planning on what my approach
would be or how I could best utilize the group or anything. I just sat
in the chair with my thumb up my butt on WW. I got involved with the OTC
stuff and pitched in to help on that, but when the time came to make my
announcement I did so weakly and without real conviction for what I was
doing. I just sort of half heartedly made an announcement then I ran out
after the meeting to keep from having to confront anyone on the project
for real. I felt like shit. I blew and I lost another full evening of
production time and accomplished nothing. Another opportunity was missed
that would have brought in at least $500 for the time I spent.
Production time was lost, dev-t was created in me not wearing my hat.


1. I agreed to accept a status and a post for something I really
wasn't interested in and took no responsibility for it knowingly and
lied to Bennetta about my enthusiasm.

2. In the spring of 94 in Bennetta office, it was when she had
returned from having completed OT8 and we were at the office late (it
was on a Tuesday). She called me into her office to tell me about the
Women's Association and what it was about. I thought it was sort of hum
drum but pretended enthusiasm. She told me she wanted me to become a
founding member and I agreed. I wasn't the least bit interested in the
project but acted like I was. I gave her a check for $5000. The projects
for this group were all dumped on Bennetta and she had to handle most
everything on all projects taken, she is the ED and was overworked due
to my lack of responsibility or participation. Things did not get done.
Had I worn my hat and done something more activities could have been
accomplished,, more dissemination could have occurred, more people could
have been enlightened and introduced to the tech. Dissem minutes were
wasted. Bennetta was stuck with everything. Time was missed with her
family she otherwise could have spent.

1. I paid for and never took on the hat of a founding member or did
anything that this status would dictate. I blew off my responsibility to
this post and activity and hat dumped on Bennetta.

2. Once in the kitchen I think it was here at AMC last year. Bennetta
had made a remark to me like "you need to start doing more and you
need to be going out and speaking"..or something like that meaning
I needed TO DO something. I grunted to myself and thought "no way
man" but never said anything. I just blew off what she was saying
and thought I would just leave all that up to her. I would assume a more
comfortable role in her shadow just doing what I was told. I blew off
what she said and never planned to execute on it at all in spite of my
high status in the group.' I changed the subject. I personally aside
from attending a few meetings have accomplished nothing in this group.
No production from me whatsoever and Bennetta has had it all do do
alone. The other group members were forced to pick up my slack. Many
people who counted on me in the group were let down and confused as to
my real position as I am an OL, especially being as close to Ben as I've
been. Production was lost that cannot be made up. Opportunities were
missed to bring people closer to the tech. I set a bad example and may
have negatively influenced others that made them get the idea they could
just pay to join and then do nothing since that is what I did. Bennetta
was left to do it all alone without me who was supposedly her friend.

1. I took on the hat of founding member to obtain status and
recognition only but had no intention of producing what I needed to
produce with that status. I blew off my responsibility.

2. The day I wrote the check here at AMC, it was in 94 around May. I
was writing out the check thinking what status this would give me, $5000
is not a small ticket for joining a group and I knew I would


be looked up upon favorably by the Scientology community for having
made this type of donation. I thought of this while I was writing the
check and never considered what the obligation I had was that went along
with it. I just committed without any cause for doing anything. I wrote
the check as my substitution for having to do anything. All I sought in
joining was the personal satisfaction and gratification along with
"being Bennetta's friend". A post was left vacant on this org
board. People who had counted on me to do something, namely Bennetta,
were forced to pick up the hat I had agreed to wear. Dev-t was caused by
my lack of activity because Bennetta had to wear all the hats and I
could have picked up some with her. Uplines terminals know who the
founding members are, they count upon those in high status to do things
to take responsibility

of which I did neither. This set a bad example which could have
impacted other upstat Scientologists into thinking it was ok to
"just pay" and not do anything which is what happens

1. As a founding member of the Women's Association I was minimally
active and left the responsibility of all projects on Bennetta. I blew
off my responsibility.

2. At one of our meetings at the Hibiscus at Flag when we were going
over the org board and putting it together. I was sitting at the table
and being quiet trying to be invisible. Everyone was speaking up and
saying their part and contributing to the org board and I sat saying
nothing and being completely a spectator. I noticed this and didn't do
anything about it. I thought that the org board project really had
nothing to do with me (ha ha). Instead of speaking up and becoming
active in creating I just sat back and left it up to everyone else to
do. Time was added to the project and we didn't get it done in the time
it was hoped to be done by. Bennetta was stuck doing most of it herself.
Others in the group struggled trying to get the figure out done and I
did nothing to help so more struggling occurred as a result of my
inaction. Spectatorism was condoned by my actions. Other projects were
probably missed or not done because had I done my part I could have
taken on the org board project and Bennetta could have gone and started
something more.


1. Same as above.

2. In April of this year here at the office I stopped attending
meetings altogether and went off to be a case. I decided one Monday that
I had to go in session instead of being a group member and never went
back. The group was left with all my hats to wear even if I wasn't doing
much, what I could have done was dumped-on others. I set a bad example
of an upstat Scientologist. The group was left in mystery as to what had
happened to me. Bennetta had to do it all and didn't have me supporting
her whatsoever so she was overworked and. missed much time with her
family. This caused much Dev-t for Bennetta and the other group members.

1. I accepted a post at AMC without any regard for the level of
responsibility and had no intention of really doing what I needed to do
in order to make the post a success.

2. In February at Bennetta's house in her breakfast nook. She had
asked me to come over to talk to her. I sat down and she told me about
what her plan was to open up the magazine and that I needed to make a
decision as to what I wanted to do. She explained to me what the game
plan was and how much create was needed in order to make the project a
success. She told me the commitment and how I would not initially be
able to make as much perhaps as I'd been acustomed to but that there was
no reason why I couldn't in a short period of time. I viewed the post
and responsibility strictly from my own 1st dynamic advantages, income,
and had no thought as to my 3rd dynamic responsibility to the project. I
told her sure I thought I could do it and I wanted to do it and never
confronted what my agreement really meant as far as what commitment I
had made. I never took any responsibility to make the magazine
successful. Thousands of dollars were lost as a result. Two other staff
members hobbled along painfully for months and never really became
established on the post. The partners at AMC, Bennetta, David and Jeff,
who had given me the, opportunity and trusted me to do the job were shit
on. They each suffered personal financial loss as a result of. my
neglect. Jeff's plan to be able to do his bridge full time which has
always been his goal was thwarted and he ended up being sucked back onto
production even more than before I went into the area. Bennetta had to
manage while doing all the other hats she had committed to including: BD
HOW, OT Ambassador, FSM, BD AMC, MOM, FRIEND, this included trips to
handle event flaps, trips to help friends in trouble, anything she was
called upon to do she did so this added tremendous stress to every
single other activity she had committed to. David got stuck with the MOM
hat while Ben was doing her other things and he did not get to enjoy the
pleasures or benefits of having put up hundreds of thousands of dollars
into the company so we could all have a job. His personal income
suffered. He was not able to do what he really liked and wanted to do
like fish or spend time with his family. His companion,Ben, was stolen
away having to handle flaps I created so he had to spend much time alone
where he should have been with his wife. Ashley had to do much without
her mom and may have gotten into some trouble because she was having to
be responsible for more than she was really prepared for. This would
have created more dev-t and problems for Ben, I know this happened
because of the event the day at Ben's where Ashley got into the pool
when she had promised she would not and it completely freaked Ben out
but, she had to go and tend to what she had committed to.

1. I blew off what I needed to really look at and confront as far as
accepting the responsiblity for the mag sales manager post and decided
to do nothing and just decided to "glow" it right.

2. After I left Ben's the night I agreed to handle the magazine area
I got in my car and drove off thinking "I wonder what all this will
mean" and "I wonder how it is this will all work" signs
in themselves that I had not really formulated a plan on what I would do
once I had accepted responsibility for the post. Instead of then getting
busy and starting to work it all out I went off doing something else, I
think I just went home and dealt with my 2D (Kurt) and didn't give it
another thought: I completely ignored the fact that I didn't know how I
would take responsibility and then chose to do nothing about it. The
results were as stated in the earlier OW of the disaster that ensued. I
ended up back on my original post, Ronda and Brian Jordan were forced to
move back to Dallas (the situation with Brian may have been able to be
salvaged had I been doing my part) Cathy Hemphill had to leave our group
which I know upset her. Ray was RPF'd, Posts were switched and confusion
was rampant for many months while the order was put back in. We went way
behind target on reaching our corporate goals.


1. I made a commitment and blew off responsibility for my 2D and
intentionally wrecked Gary Bydlo's life to accomplish my own ID bonus

2. In July of 1982 I heard Gary Bydlo was on Jeff's phone in his
office. I ran in and picked up the line and spoke to Gary. We had a good
comm line from years past and it was still in tact. I told him I'd love
to talk to him and to please call me at home that night. He did and we
talked for a couple of hours. We decided to mock up a 2D. I did not look
at anything as far as what I really needed and wanted in a 2D, what my
PT obligations were, what I was willing to be responsible for in this
activity-nothing. I just said yes, let's do it. It lasted about a month
maybe two at the most. We went through a very uncomfortable period where
things were strained and wierd and he was uncomfortable and I was too.
He had to figure out what his next game plan would be without any notice
or income. He was in rough shape as a thetan and I just pushed him out.
We had an ARC break and ruined what once was a perfectly good comm line.

1. I had sex when I really knew it was not the thing to do and was

2. When Bydlo moved in with me in Dallas around Sept 92. The first
night he came to my apartment and we sat on the couch talking. We got
along fine. It got late and time to go to bed. I wasn't comfortable just
jumping into the bed and having sex with him and I never told him. We
had sex and it was good but I felt wierd about him afterwards. I never
told him. The relationship declined from there and ended up lasting only
a few weeks and then I ordered him to leave. Our comm line was ruined
and it was once a very theta comm line.


1. I agreed to mock up a 2D which was out-ethics.

2. In March of 94 at the Sand Castle parking lot. I had met Kurt
there with one of his friends. He originated that he wanted me to spend
the night with him. A red flag went up in my mind and I told him no,
that I didn't think that was a good thing to do. I told him that I
didn't think we had known each other long enough to be having sex. He
turned away as if contemplating something very serious and then turned
back to me and said "something about this is not okay, you say no
but the truth is we have already started so what is the deal?" I
looked at that and said ok, so what you are saying is that we both know
we have already mocked it up so to sit here and say that we haven't or
that we need more tithe is bullshit, is that it? He said yes. I told him
I understood but that I wasn't just interested in jumping into his bed
(which was a lie) and that I was looking for someone to marry so is that
what he was interested in? I could see he wasn't expecting that and sort
of squirmed on it. He admitted that he wasn't ready to just get married
but that he definitely had it as an intention for the future and we
could work towards that. I agreed to the arrangement and I went to his
apartment and waited on him (he was taking a friend of his back to the
FH). I still had a comm cycle going on in my head at the time about what
was I really doing and was it the right thing to do and what would
Bennetta think. He said he wanted to look at getting married so that
should make it ok. The fact that I had to "make it ok" was an
indicator right there. That is how Kurt and I started our 2D. It was a
very unpleasant year afterwards. We suffered across our dynamics with
him riot certain of what to-do with me and vice-versa. This created
dev-t for us both and for Bennetta who was there helping to coach me
along when .I needed guidance. It ruined mine and Kurt's comet line and
cost much time and effort in trying to put together. a relationship that
was never aligned admin scale wise. Any break up is enturbulating and
this one was that for sure. I had a good comm line with his parents
which was destroyed. We had mutual friends and those comm lines were cut
as a result of my mishandling.

1. I had sex when I knew it was out-ethics.

2. When I was 13 in my bed at home. I had been talking to my
brother's friend, Gary for several days and we had been creating some
heavy 2D flows. Two of my closest girlfriends had recently had sex and
were bragging to me about how they had "done it". I had sex
with Gary for the reason of keeping up with my friends and no other
reason. It was on a Sunday afternoon around 1:30 pm in my bed. I hated
it, it hurt and I was horribly disappointed. I withheld it from him.
After it was over I felt yucky, like I had been slimed. My comm line
with him was awkward from that point forward and I felt like a slut. I
lost my integrity on the 2D. From that point on I was less and weakened
on this activity and continued to pull in one disaster on the 2D after

1. I played a sex game with the neighbor and knew it was something
very preverted but did nothing to stop it.

2. When I was about 5 years old at Mr. Pollards house. I had gone
over to walk their dog "Tuffy" and he invited me in the house.
He told me he wanted to play a little game with me and did I want to
play? I said sure. He had always given me candy and Pepsi so I thought
maybe I could get some more. We went into his den towards the back of
the house and he sat me down on 'the sofa and blind folded me. He
explained the game and how it would work is he would put something in my
mouth that I needed to suck on. The more I sucked he said, the more it
would begin to taste like a tootsie roll sucker. He said that I had to
suck real hard in order to taste it. The first time we did it I recall
thinking what ever it was he stuck in my mouth sure didn't taste like a
tootsie roll but I sucked on it anyway. I sucked and sucked and never
did I taste a tootsie roll or anything that even resembled it. He
encouraged me to keep--sucking that it would happen but it never did. I
told him a couple of times I couldn't taste it and I even gagged a
couple of times. I thought this was wierd because I didn't get it. I
left the blind fold on and just did as I was instructed in spite of the
fact that what was being promised was not happening. I left about 30
minutes later feeling disappointed that I had not tasted the sucker like
I'd been promised. This went on for about a week, at least 3 more times
and each time I tasted no sucker. The last time I got aggravated and too
curious to bear and when we started the game he blind folded me as usual
but instead of keeping my eyes closed tight I opened them just enough to
see under the fold. I turned up my perceptions and heard a zipper. I saw
something come out of his pants from the blind fold and pulled it off
because I knew this was something wierd. He quickly zipped up his pants
and I quickly ran home. He was allowed to be perverted and play a game
he had no business playing. I did report it to my mom who called his
wife and they had a great big fight and didn't come out of the house for
3 days. Mom said his wife beat him up pretty bad, he had two black eyes.
This created much enturbulation in their family. My mom was freaked out.
The comet line with the neighbor was destroyed and they had once been
good friends. My mom had a withhold from my dad about the whole thing.



1. I wasted resources and blew money without considering what my
personal obligations were first.

2. In Oct the night I went to see Greg Moore to reg him for WW in the
fitness center. I was on the treadmill and it was about 10:23 pm when
Micky walked by. I stopped him and told him he needed to reg me for the
Responsibility Tapes and that I was holding him personally responsible
to make sure that occurred. He promised he would. He asked me when I
could get them and I told him I couldn't pay for them all at once but
that I had the ability to pay $100 towards them until they were paid. I
made this big deal about it and how he had to track me down and 8C me to
get the cycle. I told him I'd bring $100 the following night and he had
to find me. He said he would. The following night I was around but I
never saw him. I got ready to go and went to see Sonya. I told her how I
had this game mocked up with Micky for these tapes and that he was
supposed to have gotten the money from me but he didn't so I was giving
it to her instead. I told her the game and that she should tell Micky
too bad, she got it. She invoiced my $100 and I left. On my way out I
saw Mickey and told him I'd waited but I didn't see him so I gave the
money to Sonya. Two weeks later I didn't have enough money to pay my
rent and ended up paying late fees.


1. I broke an agreement with an SO member.

2. That same night as above when-I saw Mickey at the base right
outside the elevator when I left Sonya's office. I had promised him the
night before that I'd flow him $100 towards my responsibility tapes but
he had to find me. He did find me around 11:00 as I was leaving the org.
I had already given the money to Sonya. We had no specific time on when
he was to find me, just that he was. I jumped the gun and gave his money
up before the night was over so he ended up with the loss but not
really, he did his part, I didn't do mine. He was $100 commission wise
poorer and I commited an overt on him lessening our ARC. I actually felt
wierd when I saw him but I quickly justified it.

1. I blew from an SO member

2. The night at Vic Salsa's office when he was trying to reg me for a
donation for the IAS, it was in February 95. I had gone to him so he
could give me a briefing. He did and I was only interested in what he
could contribute to me, not what I could contribute to him. I had
already committed to 250.00 per pay period to the IAS and considered
that plenty for now, I actually had no idea how much I could truly have
contributed because of my out-ethics on my personal finance lines. When
he began asking me for a bigger contribution I ridged on him, he was
missing my w/h of not having my finances under control. I told him flat
out "i didn't, borrow money!" and made him wrong for asking me
to. He knew I could do more and so did I but I refused to confront it.
We went out of ARC and I stood up to blow, he tried to keep the ARC in
and the comm cycle in but I blew off his comm line. I never sent in my
already promised $250 after that point and got off my IAS payment
schedule from that point forward. I lost my comet line with Vic (not
according to him but as far as I was concerned I had damaged it), I
wasted money that I had promised to the IAS, I lowered my affinity with
the IAS as a group by committing overts on them.

1. I abandoned my own finance hat and gave it to someone else to be
responsible for.

2. In June of 94 at Kurt's place. I agreed to turn my finance hat
over to him and let him be responsible for my money and disbursements.
We discussed what the FP would be for us as a 2D. I kept trying to blow
from it, telling him that he just needed to figure it out and whatever
he said was fine, I didn't care. We worked it all out and I ended up
with $100.00 per month as a clothes allowance, the only real thing I
asked for over and above what my ordinary expenses were. I gave no
thought to it, just said ok that's fine with me. He set it up so that my
Bridge APs would be on the same schedule as his, not according to what
was successful for me but what was successful for him. Again I said fine
and went along with it. We ended up in a big knock down drag out fight
later because I changed my mind after talking to a friend (who I had
made responsible for this decision as well) and told him that what we
had agreed to would not work and I wanted to do it a different way,
which happened to be an overt for him as he didn't run his finances the
same way as I did. Our ARC was severely damaged, we never could resolve
it because I wouldn't spit out the truth on what my disagreement was. My
w/h kept being missed on how I wasn't taking responsibility for my own
finances nor did I want to. Bennetta was dev-t'd in having to intervene.
Many more arguments and problems ensued from this.

text ensues: "I dumbed my finance hat on Bennetta."]

2. Right after Kurt and I had done this work out on our finances I
had gone shopping with Bennetta the following weekend. We were driving
in her car to the mall and I happened to mention the fact that I only
had $100 to spend. She began asking questions as to why that was. I told
her what Kurt and I had agreed to and she had a tough time understanding
it. She asked me lots of questions to help me to see what I.was doing
but I refused to look. I never intended to take responsibility for the
decisions I had made so I blew off what.she was trying to get me to look
at. Then I began shifting the responsibility to her looking at what she
thought I should do instead of what I wanted to do. From what she
pointed out to me I concluded that "what she wanted me to do"
was blab. She ..had pointed out that I made mega bucks that I was in a
personal condition of power that I had been applying my conditions just
fine up to that point and why did I need all of this dictation and
budgeting and so forth? I ignored the truth of what she was saying and
pinned the responsibility solely on her. After our shopping trip I went
home to Kurt's. I had looked at everything Bennetta had told me and
decided that what she really thought needed to happen was I needed to be
able to spend as much money as I wanted and that for me to agree to
anything else was wrong. That was not at all what she had said but it is
what I dubbed in. I sat down on the floor in the living room and told
Kurt I needed to talk to him. I told him that I had looked at what we
had agreed on regarding our finances and that I couldn't keep the
agreement to only $100 per month on a clothes allowance. He asked me why
and I told him that I made enough money that I should be able to spend
as much as I wanted to. He ridged on this being correct, as his policy
and conditions on finance were far away from mine and he operated on a
whole different system than I did. We instantly went into a games
condition of me making him wrong for how he operated and him making me
wrong for the way I operated. Nothing was accomplished as far as
bringing us closer together. We suffered a long and arduous ARC break,
this caused Dev-t on our 2D and my 3D (my post production is always
affected when I have any other flaps in any life going on), this put him
further out of ARC with my group as he associated Bennetta with AMC as
she is an exec of this group.


TO BE [Scribbled out text ensues: "I let Bennetta be blamed for my
no responsibility on my finances."]

2. The day Kurt and I had a confrontation about my disagreement on
how our finances would be handled. I had abruptly announced in a very
self righteous waythat I had changed my mind about what we agreed to and
that what we had decided would not work at all for me. I'm sure this
came as a great shock to him as just the week before I had not expressed
ANY form of disagreement whatsoever and had just given it completely
over to him to handle in complete and total ARC. Now all of a sudden out
of the clear blue sky, just so happened to be after I spent a full day
with Bennetta Slaughter, I come up with this flap about how I completely
disagree with how the finances are to be handled. What else was he
supposed to think? Bennetta had obviously been meddling into our affairs
according to what he could see! He immediately said something to this
effect like "it sure seems odd that just last week you were ok on
this and now you spend the day with Bennetta and it's all for
shit". I jumped on that very defensively only solidifying his
suspicion that Bennetta had interfered. There could have been no doubt
whatsoever no matter what I said that Bennetta was the one who stirred
up trouble on this finance issue with us. His ARC with her was lowered,
his ARC with our AMC group was lowered because if the senior exec is
working against him then surely she's got everyone else here working
against him too. He knew she is the OL of the group. Bennetta was made
out to be a bad guy and she never knew it.

1. I gave Kurt the finance hat then I yanked it away from him causing
trouble for him, our 2D me and my 3D.

2. One Saturday in July 94 at Kurts place, Kurt and I decided to
co-mingle our money. This was something he considered to be important
and I went along with it as it took my responsibility for my finances
and directed it to someone else. We agreed that he would manage the
money and pay all the bills and I would just make money and deposit
checks: We spent a good deal of the afternoon working on it, mainly him
though as I kept rabbiting from the activity and just telling him
whatever he said was fine, just let me know how things were going to be.
He consulted me on every matter, every bill, every disbursement, every
agreement and each time I'd just say, I don't care, whatever you say is
fine. He worked everything out and did a great job. I did not have to
worry about anything on this hat any longer. I turned my checkbook over
to him, all my bills and the amounts owed and he completely took
responsibility for the hat. One week later I went shopping with Bennetta
and came home and announced to him that what we had worked out would not
do for me at all and that I wanted to just spend as much as I wanted to
spend and he just needed to get over it. He wasn't exactly thrilled with
the idea and became upset. I became more "right" in my
decision and.just asserted myself even harder until he didn't have a
chance. He gave up and gave the hat of my finances back to me. We had
many discussions about this and got absolutely nowhere so we wasted much
time. We had an ongoing ARC break on this issue that never was resolved.
He was confused at why I would do this to him and never got any
explanation so he is still left with the confusion. He was ripped off a
hat he was wearing well which was a wrong condition to him.

1. I knowingly violated my condition on my own finances and dumped my
hat without making my condition known.

2. When I was having a 2D with Kurt in June of 94 we agreed to
co-mingle our money. This decision was made in his bedroom one night. I
knew from discussions we had on how he spent money that he was more
frugal than me and that he operated on a whole different condition than
me in this area. When he wanted something he cut back, this worked well
for him. --He paid for his bridge in big chunks at the end of the year
which was the best way for him due to his income schedule and what would
allow him the greatest tax benefits. I knew he considered his credit
cards to be a savings. Not something I could do since I didn't have
credit cards but it worked well for him. These were major differences in
our finance op basis which I knew about and chose to ignore. I never
told him what my op basis was on my money (because there wasn't really a
standard one!) and just turned everything over to him to handle. As a
result, the wrong condition was applied to my finances and I flapped
later. Kurt had no idea what the real upset was and was left in mystery.
We had a perpetual 2D flap over this and never came to any understanding



2. When I was 16 in Dallas. My dad had helped me to set up a savings
and showed me a simple way to establish credit quickly which I would
need for things later in life, like buying a car etc. He suggested that
I put 50.00 every paycheck into a savings-account until I had
accumulated $500.00. Then I should go to the bank and make a loan for
$300 against the money and then pay it back using the savings if I got
into a bind but otherwise I should use the money I earned to pay it
back. I saved the $500. I borrowed the $300. I used the savings to pay
back the loan on time and established credit. I squandered the balance
at $50. a pop each week until my savings was completely depleted. I blew
the money on frivolous stuff, anything I wanted I just bought until all
my savings was spent. I had absolutely nothing to show for it. I had
credit but I had no savings. I never re-established any kind of savings
whatsoever. Had I just maintained my savings at $50 per

paycheck like I had over the past 20 years I would have accumulated
26,000. So I have wasted 26,000, at least. I ruined my future savings
and credit eventually due to this out ethics.



I IGNORED WHAT I SAW [Scribbled out text: "I decided to be
reasonable about collectin money for WW and stopped the money from
coming in."]


. Last the HGC in front of Debbie Ward. I was going to talk
to Glen, a chiro from Ohio about a dono and Debbie said "he doesn't
have any money" rather sympathetically, like I needed to not bother
asking him for any. She said that she had told him even as poor as she
was she was donating $100 so he should do $25. I walked away and decided
that Glen wasn't a cycle and I decided to go into sympathy with the both
of them. I did not ask Debbie WHERE was the $100 she was going to donate
and went up to Glen and told him I did not intend to cause him to ridge
up on the cycle and that I knew he was already a great contributor and
how I was going to make it ok that he not contribute. The truth of the
matter was he did indicate to me as a cycle and the fact that he ridged
only indicated I was missing SOMETHING on the cycle. He ran and I let
him get away. This wasted more time on regging, I invalidated Glen, I
let Debbie Ward be out ethics (if she is on OT7 and a local business
owner and can only afford $100 she probably isn't applying conditions) I
blew a cycle.

out text: "I decided to be reasonable about reaching a promised
commitment and stopped the cycle from going thru last night."


2. Last night at the FH in the reg reception area. I had decided
earlier that I was going to get the Clair Guignon cycle done last night
no matter what and had promised Katie it would be a done cycle that she
did -not need to go with me - she volunteered. I went to the base and
first thing I did was Q & A with what Clair had instructed me to do.
She had told me to contact Harvey Jacques over the phone earlier, which
I did not query I just. made a note of it: I had a question as to what
he had to do with.the cycle and just dubbed in he must be the person at
the org, who is over books. The question came up 2 more times before I
left and each time I was -also puzzled at who he was but did not query
it. I finally got an answer that he was over planetary dissemination so
I dubbed in that my buddy, Rudy could help me so I went to the org and
found Rudy instead of Harvey. Rudy instructed me to go to the bookstore
and just tell them that I needed to debit out an account $5000 for the
books which I did. I called Clair and told her the cycle was done and
she just needed to call the bookstore to debit her account. I waited
about an hour for her. to call and she had not called back. I called her
again and left a message that I was waiting at the bookstore and
wouldn't leave until she called so I wouldn't miss her. Within 5 minutes
she called back and told me that there was an apparent confusion on the
cycle and that the cycle was not a debit from her ordinary book accout
which is why she had instructed me to speak with Harvey, she said it was
quite honestly a huge dev-t cycle and that Harvey had agreed to help in
situations like this. She had paid for a mission book package which she
wasn't using and that is where the money was coming from. She said to go
and find Harvey and tell him what she wanted to have done and he would
help. I went to reception and told Cathy I needed to speak with Harvey.
I TR3'd it twice and finally Cathy came back and told me "Harvey
said it was very important that he speak with you but he is not going to
be able to tonight and that I could come see him Friday after
lunch". I said OK and left. I did not get the product.

text: "I decided to be reasonable about getting the product and
stopped a donation cycle."]

2. The night I met Greg Moore at the HIBO. I was sitting across from
Barclay Bean who had joined me and Greg walked up because I had from an
appointment to see him that night. Instead of going for my product I got
off into telling them my win I had just had. Time ran out and Greg had
to leave to go somewhere else. The particle went out of control and I
didn't handle it. I finished eating and chased him down again. He was
leaving and going in session. I waited for him almost and hour and when
he came back and sat down with me instead of going for the product I
decided to get him to tell me about his L-10 wins which he did. He was
plainly pooped after having had a long session so after he got finished
telling me his wins then he said he was tired and had to leave. I
started telling him about the project and he went BIs, he told me he
just wasn't interested in it and couldn't do anything on it. I decided
that is because he was tired and let him go home. I didn't get the


out text: "I allowed someone to third party a Scientology celeb,
Carmen Lara, and did not stop it.]

2. Back when I first started working on the project, Bill McCann had
a comm line with a lady, Cotty Rendon who-was a major contributor from
years before. It was in September on a Monday night in the kitchen at
AMC. Bill was going over the names he had collected money from before.
He gave me Cotty's name and said he had the best comet line with her and
that he could call her. He mentioned that her partner, Carmen Lara, was
not an easy cycle and he really didn't think we should approach her. He
said he did not believe Carmen would be good to go to as she was not the
one who had agreed last year, it was Cotty. I did not query this at all,
I just dubbed in that Carmen was a smuck and wouldn't play the game and
she would not be interested in talking to us. From Bill's comment I
decided that she was rough and out of ARC. This stopped all reps from
coming to her, stopped her flows to the project, stopped her ability to
contribute to the project, invalidated her past contributions to the
project as she was directly involved in the dono and it was not only
Cotty who contributed but Carmen as well and this was well known.

1. I decided to covertly reg Cotty Rendon behind Carmen Lara's back.


2. Once I had decided that Carmen was a "worthless
cycle".:I. never even bothered to try and call her. Instead I
decided to go around Carmen and try and covertly pull off a dono from
Cotty behind her back. I had intentionally not contacted her deciding
she would have CI on the cycle and therefore should not be enlightened.
This cycle jammed from the beginning and would not move an inch. I could
not get Bill to call Cotty, I could not get to Cotty even by way of
another who had no overts on her. The cycle shut down completely. No
production occurred. This created Dev-t for me, Bill McCann, Gloria,
Cotty Rendon's staff (taking messages and handling traffic we were
putting on Cotty's lines), Bennetta, the fund raising.

[NOTE, on the TIF file up 6 lines in the left hand column, it said in
handwriting "Time? place? form? event?" It looks like
different hand writing than the previous one. It looks like someone is
critiquing her write up.]


[Scribbled out text: "I decided Carman Lara could only contribute
$5,000 which put CI and DEV-t on the contributions to the Winter
Wonderland project."]


2. On Saturday I received Carmen Lara's name from Laura Betterly, a
local FSM. She was passed to me as being a completely in ARC high toned
lady. I was very anxious to meet her and tell her about the project. I
had promised Bennetta I would check in with her that afternoon to tell
her what I'd gotten done. I called her from the HGC and told her what
I'd accomplished. I told her I'd gotten Carmen Lara's name from someone
but I didn't know who she was. Ben told me this was Cotty Rendon's
partner. I immediately withdrew and decided I had to "figure out a
way to handle the cycle". All Ben said was that "she is Cotty
Rendon's partner" and I flinched. I immediately had a problem. (arc
breaks, problems, out ruds, hmmm could there be s/g to this?) and from
that point forward I had CI on the cycle. I went back in my mind to the
comm cycle I had with Bill McCann earlier and what we had decided to ask
Cotty for (which was $5000) and decided that is all I could ask Carmen
for. I stopped the forward progress of Winter Wonderland by cutting
across the reg lines with arbitrary decisions.


[Scribbled out text: I decided to se up a circuit and use this instead
of being there myself and comunicating on a reg cycle. I used the
circuit and blew the cycle.]

2. On Wednesday I had an appointment with Carmen Lara to talk to her
about Winter Wonderland. I Q & Ad with whether or not I was going to
be there or just set up a circuit before I did the cycle. I decided to
be there but to first use a covert line of bullshit to get her into
comet with me. She went into comm with me very easily, probably would
have anyway. I had my attention on bullshitting her instead of what she
was saying. She communicated quite overtly that she was a million dollar
contributor, that she had money coming in regularly from Mexico, that
she only kept a small amount of money here for her accomodations which
was around $100,000. This all was before the fact of me, asking her for
a donation. Instead of deciding based on what she told me her goals
were, I decided based on what I had decided earlier of what I could
confront asking her for (which was only the amount she had given the
year before), that I should just ask for $5000. As I went into the part
of the reg cycle where I ask for the money, I said to her "we are
almost finished raising money, in fact, what we need right now is only
$12,000 and we are done. Now there is no way we would ask you for the
entire amount but I would like to know what you would like to contribute
to the project?" this is where I set up the circuit and I
disappeared. She did not answer my question and I missed it. She said
"what are you asking me to contribute?" this required my
arrival back so I came up to the surface and computed her question and
fumbled and jerked around in my space as to how I could answer. Now I'm
back with my bullshit, I said "well, since you are doing so many
other things, what I'd like to ask is for you to only contribute what
you did last year which is $5000." I darted out again. She
explained that she had to get more money from Mexico sent and that she
needed to talk to her partner. I swear now I cannot recall what she said
to give me the impression she was going to donate the $5,000, it could
have been a dub in as well. She did NOT say anything like: yes, I will
definitely donate $5,000 to your project and you may collect the check
from me next Wednesday. That was not the comet. I do know she had to
talk to her partner Cotty. She was going to propose that Cotty do 1/2
and she would do the other 1/2. It seems like she did mention something
like, could we wait until next Wed for the money, I'm just blown on what
she commed exactly. Later I had a Q&A on whether or not she was
definitely going to do the $5,000 and Gloria confirmed yes, she was set
on that. This created Dev-t for me, Gloria, Katie, Bennetta, Carmen and
is still creating dev-t.



1. I intentionally broke a rule by refusing to follow instructions
when I was being trained in life.

2. When I was 3, next to the chair in the living room at my house in
the afternoon. I knew I was not supposed to be sucking my thumb. It was
spoken about enough derrogatorily that I knew it. was downstat and
forbidden in our family. Other kids did it but I was not allowed. I
decided to do it anyway. I sat down next to the chair and stuck my thumb
in my mouth. It was wierd and I did not enjoy it at all. My mom caught
me and put a diaper on me and filled up a bottle and walked me up and
down the sidewalk three or four times in front of the neighbors house. I
had a miserable relationship with my mom thereafter blaming her for
everything and hating her my entire life for "what she had done to
me". I refused to do what she told me and protested any order or
direction she gave me. I stayed close to my dad and ser fac'd on my mom.

1. I ser fac'd on David.

2. At his house the day that I sat down and tried to bleed my case on
him. He and I were talking about my case situation, I was trying to
convincce him how I was not responsible and he would have no part of it.
He would not say what I 'wanted to hear which was I was not responsible.
I moved out from their house and went to stay with Brenda where I knew I
would get sympathy which I did which made me worse.


1. I Pretended be interested in a 2D with Jeff when I really wasn't
at all and led him on..

2. The night we went to the baseball game together with the Souths. I
had not really wanted to go but did so anyway. We sat next to each other
and left together. When he took me to my car we had been talking about
the situation that existed concerning him being a 2D candidate for me.
He asked me when we arrived at my car in the parking lot if we could
kiss just to see what it was like. I told him yes and let him kiss me.
It was very awkward and I did not like it but I never let him know. I
just smiled and walked away leaving him with a no answer. He later
originated to me on a few more occasions why it was that I was not
interested in him and I never handled the origination which was to say
"I am not interested in a 2D with you and never will be" so he
could end cycle on it. It stayed mystery for him for years.

[A note says: "JUMPED TO NEW AREA." in a different
penmanship that previous. Could be the EO.]

1. I encouraged and condoned Brenda to go out ethics on her 2D and
contributed to her crashing across her dynamics.

2. When I was living with she and Doug on Reiger, this was in Oct of
89. She had routed off staff and was staying at home doing pretty much
nothing while Doug remained on staff and I went out dancing everynight.
I was living it up in a bar dancing and came home every night with
stories of what all I was doing pure out ethics for what my situation at
the time was. Brenda decided she wanted to join me one night and she
went out with Sandi and I. It was on a Wednesday night at Cowboys and
Sandi and I were both sort of shocked at what Brenda was doing there as
she did not fit in at all and sort of looked like a sore thumb to us.
She seemed happy enough and actually found a guy who she started talking
to and ended up having an okay time. I recall having some attention on
what was happening. I knew she was not really in ethics being there and
I continued to comment about this to her but never took any real action
to get her ethics in. She ended up dancing with me every night and going
very out 2D to the point of divorcing her husband and ending up in a
relationship which ended up to be a disaster. This affected all her
dynamics and our relationship as well. I have continued to badger and
bullbait her and treat her like shit and reduce her and invalidate who
and what she is to the point of being gross. I have allowed her to
continue to-be out ethics for 5 years and continue to struggle in life
quite miserably.

1: I took advantage of Katie's friendship and wasted her time as an
OT by leading her to think I was really trying to be responsible for
myself when I wasn't; I intentionally misguided her and tried to stick
my condition on her.

2. The day we worked together at Bennettas on my conditions. I had no
intention of taking complete responsibility for myself and was still
trying to lay myself at someone else's doorstep to wear my condition. I
picked Katie and tried to run it on her. I was clinging to her
desperately as if there-was nothing I could do and tried to pin my
condition on her to no avail. I followed her around the whole day
pretending to have her "help" me with my conditions while what
I was really trying to do was get her to wear it so I wouldn't have to.
I accomplished absolutely nothing and her entire effort was wasted. I
abandoned my conditions because I had not really honestly done them
anyway - once I saw that it was still my condition I went into apathy
harder trying to not-is it. I fell .down the tone scale further and
enturbulated Katie with my shit.

1. I wasted Katie's time as the MAA with my 2D out ethics by
pretending to be interested in handling my 2D scene when what I was
trying to do really was get Rick (my 2d at the time) in trouble.

2. I had a flap going on with my 2D just shortly after I got into
Scientology, probably around November of 1983. I was involved in an
out-ethics 2D in the first place so when it began to flap I ran to the
Katie complaining about how bad it all was. I went into the Org with
Rick and we spoke to Katie about what was happening, he had assigned me
some condition or said that I had a liability condition to do to him
which involved me going to every single one-of my past 2Ds and telling
them I would never speak to them again, something absurd and I knew it
was. Rather than just telling him he was full of shit which is what I
knew to do, I drug him into the MAAs office and "got his withhold
off." I was in no way intending to really get my ethics in, only to
get Rick in trouble. My -out ethics on the 2D continued to excallate, I
ended up contributing to Rick's demise by destoying our 2D in a very
harsh and cruel fashion.


1. I lied to Bennetta

2. The day I walked into her office and got off the withhold that
Kurt had asked me to marry him and I did not tell her first. It was in
February, after his birthday. My stats were down and I had told the D/ED
that I had a w/hold from Ben. At lunch before we sat down to eat I went
in her office and told her I had something to tell her. I told her I had
a withhold and then I told her it was that Kurt had asked me to marry
him. She asked me why I had not told her, she being my very best friend.
I lied and told her it was because he did not give me a ring. The truth
was I really did not want a 2D with Kurt and was not telling anyone. We
ended up with an ARC break, she was very hurt that I had not confided my
good news to her and our friendship was damaged.

1. same as above

2. The night Bennetta asked me to come to her house so she could talk
to me about the new magazine. We sat down and she told me what she
needed and I was the person up for the position. I did not want the
responsibility of the magazine and lied and said I did. I told her I
thought it would be very exciting and I did not find it in the least bit
exciting. I ended up with the hat which I did not want. I ruined my
friendship with Bennetta and practically destroyed the company by not
taking the hat.

1. same as above.

2. The night Bennetta asked me to join HOW She was excited about the
possibilities of the group and what it could do on a Div 6 line and I
lied and said I, thought it was great. I thought is was mediocre and
joined anyway, signing up for a status which requires MUCH
responsibility. I never put on the hat, I let Bennetta think I was on
board when I wasn't leaving her to completely single hand the activity.
She got hit with twice the amount of work she expected as I did not
do-my part. The activity has not grown and prospered as it should have.
Her reputation has suffered, she has been overworked and been forced to
do more than she originally intended or agreed to.

1. I was dishonest about an ethics program Bennetta was helping me on
and lied to her about my intentions in doing the program. I took
advantage of her friendship and wasted her time.

2. When I was breaking up with David Haywood, it was in October of
1990 after she had spent time sorting out my difficulties on my 2D with
David. I agreed to do an ethics program to get my shit together. I did
not know what ethics was and never cleared the MU from my first day in
Scientology. I was blindly doing a program with no responsibility for it
whatsoever. I spent weeks writing up OWs and having Bennetta check them
and read them but I was not making case gain and never told anyone. My
2D never really got sorted out although I lied and said it was.
Bennetta's time was wasted where she thougth and was led to believe I
was really a product. I spent months following this event fretting over
David and worrying Bennetta with originations she was still having to
handle. No real progress was made.

1. I did not clear my MU.


2. The first day on course in Scientology in the basic courseroom. I
sat down on the Ups & Downs in Life course with Tim Collins and was
having him help me. I was doping off and he came over to help me out. He
asked me the definition of Ethics and I told him it had s/g to do with
colored people, he showed me the definition and I told him I understood
but I did not and never got it handled. My ethics never went in. I never
applied conditions honestly, I never worked out my own life situations
for myself and took responsibility for what I had done, I never honestly
applied myself to the ethics tech fully to get the honest to goodness
1001 standard tech result. Massive amounts of Dev-t has been caused to
me, course sups, ethics officers, friends, FSMs for not having handled
this MU.

1. I went past an MU and lied that this occurred and did not clear it
up instantly.

2. The first day of second grade. I sat down in the class on the
third row second from the front, I was a good student and did not want
to miss anything. The teacher wrote a word on the chalkboard which I did
not understand. The word was VOWEL. I was blank on the meaning. She
asked the whole class if anyone did not know the definition of this word
and no one raised their hand. I did not know and I did not raise my
hand. I ruined my education because from there on out I would not clear
my words and I instead, would figure out the word from the text as I did
that day in the classroom